Topic: Round 1: The Vessel

It looks like I'll be presenting 2 projects today...and at the rate they are coming in, I'll try to keep up the pace as long as possible (there's bound to be a lull in the middle - the a rush at the end, happens every year!) but this is the first year we've had this big a turnout in the opening week...it's so much fun! People really seem to be digging the threads.

Anyway! We're looking at our next project in the spotlight now, and it is...

The Vessel
Project of: Michael Leal - Danny Kelly - Nik Poliwko - Michael McElveen

Vincent Faustino has become an involuntary vessel for the dead.

They use his body to take care of unfinished business, exact revenge, and to right the wrongs that plagued them in life. He wakes up in places unfamiliar to him, confused and alone, with only momentary flashes of what he has done.

It was not always this way. Vincent was once an enforcer for the New York mob. He had it all, money, fast cars and faster women. That is, until the day he was sent to kill the wrong person. An elderly shop owner named Zicari, who wasn't what he seemed. It turns out that he was a dreadfully powerful Warlock with a terrifying sense of humor. He turned the tables on Vincent and branded him with a sigil, a powerful mystical symbol that allows the souls of those who have died at the hands of evil men to use his body as they will.

Now Vincent is on the run from his deadly former associates and law enforcement for murders and events he has no memory of. The spirits follow him wherever he goes. He tries to hide in dirty motels and abandoned buildings. With the help of a 22-year-old witch named Marina, he tries to break the curse and track down Zicari. Along the way, Vincent has no choice but to help the dead finish their tasks, both good and evil.

This is the torture he must endure. This is the punishment for his evil past.

Vincent Faustino is forever "The Vessel"

---

Yes, the undead have indeed returned to Idol, and now...the judges will dig in to the project, will it rise again, or be the first to an early grave?

Ah, hmmm…. Well…. Yes

The Pitch ~ The writing in the pitch is strong, no doubt about it. As a pitch, however, it's very long. I am confident that you can boil down the same amount of information in about half the space and make our jaws drop, so that's my task to you ~ start some precision scalpel work. Boil it down… Find your core story and tell it to us.

Great premise, I love these kinds of stories and it opens up the potential to go just about anywhere with the main storyline and sub-plots…

Don't need it for the pitch, but you have me curious about the sigil, warlock, etc, what the influences are. With any story involving the dead, undead, or in-between, it always begs questions about the mechanics of the world.

Only comment I'll make at all mediocre is that Vincent is coming from "money, fast cars, and faster women" (not the extra comma I put in there, grammar fans). Sounds a bit "Darkness" to me. A lot of people these days may not have read the Darkness from issue 1, but for those who did (not much after the first series), it does call my mind back to that. Make sure we're looking at something different.

Overall - I like it, worry not!

The Rough Cover ~ Here's where I had a little bit of trouble… Last year, we had Dead Duck with a similar style, but more refined. We can blame this on the rough cover, which is the only reason I'm saying yes on this, honestly. I had some significant inner turmoil on this that cried a no despite the elements I liked.  If you are going to go for a blocky style, with a rough cover try to show us that you do have your mechanics down… Give us some details in the hands, the gun, etc…

This is like Mignola meets Oeming, but the rough doesn't show us the strengths of either artist. I do enjoy the ethereal elements of the ghosts and smoke rising around the character and I can also picture in my head some interesting colors for the sigil on Vincent's chest. Maybe square off his shoulders a little bit to add some strength to the character, supporting the strong jawline and give us some more subtle details in the face.

Not knocking your style, just asking you to show us more. You REALLY need to wow us in Round 2 or, even with fan support, you will have a hard time making it to Round 3.

My fellow judges may not be as kind as I have been, but this is really my kind of story and I would hate to miss the chance to see more.

So, as I said in the beginning, a YES from CBC Erik.

Now show me why I voted that way…

THE ART:

Pro: An obvious Mignola clone, such a style could work really well to evoke the creepy ghost-story heart of this comic.

Con: The problem is (and we know how harsh this is going to sound) that this looks like somebody cribbing from Mignola but who doesn't know how to draw yet. It is very, very rough. In particular, Vincent's hands and pistol are atrocious, and not because of the style. That gun has absolutely no relation to any handgun in the real world that we've ever seen and looks like it was shortened and squished because you ran out of page-space.

This isn't the poorest art we've seen in this contest, but it looks closer to the final linework than, say, Jason of NYC, and shows more of the overall body structure than something like Stitchwork, so it's easier to gauge from this where the final artwork is going to fall both inside the pages and on the cover.

Our advice is to photo reference your figures more and get away from just looking at your influences. Obviously you won't put a photo-real hand on a Mike Mignola body, but you need to look at how hands and guns and everything else actually work and then try and figure out on your own how a Mignola/Oeming/Timm/Toth style would approach that.

Last Word: The art is very poor at this point. We need to see that you can draw without looking at an issue of Hellboy or Powers before we're confident you can carry a series on your shoulders.

THE PITCH:

Pro: This is our kind of pitch. Everything you absolutely need to know about the flow of the series is laid out for you. It opens with a good hook, each sentence gives you more and more, building logically from the small part of the premise to the larger picture, and by the finish you know just what you'll be reading… and you like it.

A good pitch should be done like a good newspaper article - pyramid style. Start with the point, then as you read on it gets bigger. A good article tells you exactly what it's about in the first graph. A good pitch should lay out what the story's about in the opening few sentences. You've done that, and as a bonus it sounds like an interesting story.

Con: It is a touch long, and could be compressed by a sentence or two. That third paragraph in particular ("It wasn't always…") could be reworded and rearranged so that it told you his history more quickly.

Last Word: Just a smidge long, this is nevertheless a solid pitch and a very interesting concept.

FINAL VERDICT: We give it a yes. But the artist has got to show us he can draw in Round 2.

We've definitely got the undead back in the house...but at least we're not seeing a flood of zombie books yet! :)

Premise: I can agree that the pitch was well written, but you really could have cut this in half and had just as strong a presentation without the fluff. Again, find your hook, enhance the hook by a couple of strong sentences, and get out. You don't sell this further by introducing me to the old Warlock or the 22 year old witch. You don't sell it further telling me he's trying to hide and failing, or any of that.

The main problem I have with this pitch isn't the presentation as much as its originality. For me, there nothing here I haven't seen. It's Sixth Sense meets Deadman, with the mob angle thrown in. I'm not saying it will automatically suck, I'm just saying the concept doesn't grab me and make me want to pick this book up. Possession, while among the coolest powers held by some undead, is also one of the most over done, oftentimes poorly. I hope this team makes an effort to depart from the past and actually make this interesting.

Cover: You drew the short straw here big time because I tend to really hate the Mignola style, and I'll fully agree that this particular piece doesn't even do that great of a job of aping his work. Does the sigil give your main character Hellboy hands? If not...then I'm not really sure what's up on this guy's empty hand here, but for one thing you got caught in the age-old problem...'what do I do with his hand that's not holding the gun?' The answer here is NOT grab the side of his jacket and look completely uncomfortable. You could have extended it out to his side palm down and had a much more dynamic pose, or even gone with a different post completely.

Also, this guy doesn't look scared. He doesn't look tortured or even like he's undergoing a punishment. He looks like some guy with a goofy t-shirt on about to shoot someone. From this cover he could be a cop, could be a bad guy, could be anyone. It tells me nothing.

The ghosts in the background are...rushed, and they look more like Día de los Muertos costumers than the undead ghosts of his former victims, or even people he didn't know who he has to now help. This particular style you've chosen has one of the creepiest looks and feels of anything we've seen in comics since the 1970s. So USE that style, don't let it use you. Go creepy to the Nth degree and really sell out to it. Your premise is about possession and angst and fear and loathing...There's NONE of that in this cover.

Conclusion: Obviously there's a market for this type of art, when it's done correctly, or more when it's done consistently, but in my opinion that market is already well represented. The composition choices and the lack of originality in the pitch outweigh the presentation of the pitch by far. I have to give this one a definite NO. Obviously this title moves on with the two YES votes it already has, and I'd encourage the team to use what's been said here and come out swinging in the next round. It's a good thing to obtain criticism on your work. It's a bad thing to refuse to use that criticism to make your work even better. Good luck going forward.

Looks like the Vessel is making it into Round 2 with two YES and one NO votes with a call from the judges to really show us what you can do in the next round.

Ian is on the "DL" this weekend, so I'm going to move this over for public consumption. Bring on the comments!

The pitch for this story has a lot of promise, it's right up my alley personally, but as a huge fan of Mike Mignola I hope the artist ups his game in the next round. Most of the judges have already stated what I would have pointed out so I wont beat a dead horse, but the artist will definitely have to push himself in the next round. You guys have a lot of potential on both sides of the story, I would just encourage the artist to not take any short cuts or easy outs on the next round.

Congrats and good luck in round 2!

I agree that the art here is pretty rough, and since it's a bit cartoonier than Mignola, might not be that fitting to the dark story. Also, LastBard was right in mentioning similarities to The Darkness, but it also seems very similar to Mike Allred's The Everyman, about a person that dies (or almost dies?) and becomes a vessel for the dead looking for closure (read: REVENGE…). Not a terribly strong concept, and the art is generic enough to not matter; this comic has a hard uphill climb, next round.

Hello all- First off I want to thank the judges for the opportunity to move on to round 2 and the second chance to show what team Vessel has to offer.

At this very moment the pitch is being refined, and the cover is being reconstructed to better display Danny's talents as an artist, and give greater insight into the premise of the story. Rest assured we are taking all criticism to heart.

I was taught to pitch by Roger Margolis the screenwriter of "Johnny got his gun" and "China Syndrome".  So I am little mortified that I made two mistakes in this pitch that writer's often make. 1) Leaving something in that doesn't work just because you like it. 2) Telling the audience more than they need to know to enjoy the story. Robert McKee asks the question in his book "Story" "How much does your audience need to know?" the answer "Less than you think".

As far as the cover goes we made a couple of mistakes 1) Taking the term "rough" to heart. It was indeed too rough. 2) Underestimating the talent of the other competitors. All of the contestants are greatly talented and we will not forget that again. 3) Not being dynamic enough. Both Danny Kelly (pencils)and Robert Caine Jeffcoat (inks/colors)are graduates of the Kubert School so they know what they are doing and they can apply a greater amount of skill than is shown in that first cover.

Now with all that being said I have to address the perceived similarities in concept and execution to other comics/movies etc. I think a lot of people are suffering from the "Simpsons did it" syndrome here. On an episode of South Park, Butters was continually thwarted from taking over the town because every plot he thought of had already been done on The Simpsons. So he eventually gave up and went home. Now the point being that you can't give up and go home just because what you are doing has some similarities to something someone else is doing or has done.

In many ways people have been telling the same stories since the beginning of time. So I can't sweat that. Not every character with a super strength is Super Man, not every team book is the Justice League, and not every story with a Greek god (and there are a lot of them) is Clash of the Titans. As long as you put your own stamp on it, it is yours. I believe that. I have to, otherwise no one would ever write anything.

The Darkness- Other than the character being in the mob, there are no similarities in any way shape or form. The Darkness is a power that he inherited. He uses the power to create constructs (mostly little gremlin creatures) to do his bidding.

Deadman- Deadman is the opposite of what we are doing. Deadman is about a ghost who uses people to solve crimes and hopefully one day he will go to a better place. Vessel is about a very bad guy, who is not your friend and who absolutely does not want to help anyone.  He then gets hijacked by spirits, who do basically anything they want with his body (good or bad).

Sixth Sense- He doesn't "see dead people," which only increases his dread.

The Everyman- I was hard pressed to think of any comic where possession of the main character was a central theme. I am a huge Allred fan as well and I was shocked that I had never heard of this comic. I'll have to track it down, but I can tell you already from the description, we are going in a different direction.  I think you will see that in the next round. Thanks for mentioning The Everyman. Mike Allred   lives here in Portland and that would be embarrassing to run in to him if he thinks that I am ripping him off.

I do think that this is a strong concept. Because the premise leads to a thousand different stories, I can go in multiple directions and styles /genres from arc to arc.

With all that being said, we are aware of these things and we appreciate the constructive criticism. We are taking the advice here in the spirit it was intended. In the upcoming days you will see the new pitch and at least one new cover. Thank you all and stay tuned.

Michael Leal said

As far as the cover goes we made a couple of mistakes 1) Taking the term "rough" to heart. It was indeed too rough. 2) Underestimating the talent of the other competitors. All of the contestants are greatly talented and we will not forget that again. 3) Not being dynamic enough. Both Danny Kelly (pencils)and Robert Caine Jeffcoat (inks/colors)are graduates of the Kubert School so they know what they are doing and they can apply a greater amount of skill than is shown in that first cover.

Just wanted to throw a warning out to you and all contestants… Don't underestimate your opponents AND don't underestimate the audience. You never know who might be looking at the contest every step of the way. It was certainly true last year and with the buzz this year, you can pretty much guarantee you WANT all eyes on you.

Last year, Faction benefited from two things ~ a strong project and NEVER taking anything or anyone for granted. Work twice as hard as the next guy, that will help to take out the guesswork.

Absolutely! Lesson learned.  

Michael,
From one 2-1 team to anotha -- hang in there brutha!

Looking forward to the revised cover.

I think you have the right style of artwork for the kind of story your doing. I'm anxious to see more. Good luck …

Congrats on getting to round 2. I believe this is a circumstance that we all can learn from moving forward. With so many different methods of storytelling and art, it's definately a challenge to come out of the gates running.

Good luck next round.  

RonaldMontgomery said

Michael,
From one 2-1 team to anotha -- hang in there brutha!

Looking forward to the revised cover.

lol! Thanks. We are not going down without a fight.

Okay boys and girls here is our revised pitch and a new rough cover. I'm very interested in your opinions so let me know what you think.

-The Pitch-
Vincent Faustino has become an involuntary vessel for the dead.

Once a brutal mafia enforcer, now his life is not his own. He has been branded with a magical sigil that allows spirits to possess his body at will. On the run from both his deadly former associates and law enforcement, he is wanted for murders and events he has no memory of. Vincent relentlessly hunts the man who cursed him, continually being hijacked by restless spirits who have their own personalities and agendas, both good and evil.

This is the torture he must endure. This is the punishment for his evil past. Vincent Faustino is forever "The Vessel".

Seriously you stepped up the game man!

I love this cover. He seems unwilling, confused. This is good. I could envision this in color and see something that really stands out.

Your pitch for me has improved drastically. I was very interested by the time I was done reading. It grabbed me, fed me, and left me wanting more.

Bravo for stepping up your game. I look forward to round 2.

Well, very nice streamlining of the pitch, and a stronger cover. My immediate reaction was that it looked really great compared to the first one, but there are still problems that the judges will most likely hit you with… Weird anatomy: The guy's abs are a kind of bizarre "make-believe" formation of musculature. Poor perspective: The buildings in the background have some wonky windows, they're oddly all the same size, and they disappear into a weird spot. Clothing: While tightening up the detail level certainly fixed some of the face/gun issues of the first draft, his clothes still seem too cartoony for the more realistic style; they just kind of hang there, stiffly. General composition: So-so, besides the other issues already mentioned, but imagine if we were above the guy a little bit, looking down on him staring into the sky, and behind him in the streets were an endless mob of those creepy spirit things. We'd get the feeling that he would never truly be rid of acting as The Vessel, which could be cool. Just a thought. As it is, it's like "I'm surprised and pointing a gun at something with my spirit posse!"

Anyway, I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but it is a contest and you are being judged, so hopefully you found some of it constructive.

Also, The Everyman might be hard to find (except online…). I think it was released in the early 90s from Marvel's Epic Comics line, and may have been co-written/drawn by The Jam creator Bernie Mireault (I could probably look it up faster than I can hazily remember vague details about it, but…). It was a "prestige format" book, probably 48 pages, or something. Okay, but no Madman.

Wow, your pitch is much better. You have really gotten down to the nitty gritty, so to speak. I think you guys have the start of a really intriguing story, I can't wait to see where it goes from here. In regards to the cover, I have to agree with Frequent, the background buildings…well, they need the benefit of a ruler and a little differentiation. Also, the Vessel's pants look unbuttoned and the wrinkles on them totally play into that idea. The face is miles better, as are the hands. Big improvement but still needs a some polishing.

Good job guys, keep it up!

Hey guys! Thanks for taking another look at the project. We are tinkering with a few different art styles right now, trying to find the right balance that will make this project sing.  

frequentcontributor said

Also, The Everyman might be hard to find (except online…). I think it was released in the early 90s from Marvel's Epic Comics line, and may have been co-written/drawn by The Jam creator Bernie Mireault (I could probably look it up faster than I can hazily remember vague details about it, but…). It was a "prestige format" book, probably 48 pages, or something. Okay, but no Madman.

You have sent me down the rabbit hole here FC! I feel like I'm working a missing persons case. I'm making calls, I'm doing internet searches, I'm shaking down contacts for leads. I have found 1 copy on an Amazon sellers page and two others on ebay. I still have a couple of comic shops here in town to question before I make the purchase. I really want to read this thing. Just so I know what is similar and what isn't.